When my kids were little, I never was great at planning their birthday parties. My daughter Bethany’s birthday is in early November, between Halloween and Thanksgiving, and it always snuck up on me. It still does.
When Bethany was 4, I was in an especially busy phase of life—finishing grad school, doing a counseling internship, playing jazz gigs, and playing on the worship team at church–while attempting to keep things in order at home. When I realized her birthday was coming up very soon, I picked up a cake mix and a can of frosting, and a cheap Walmart pinata to smash in the garage. I invited a few little friends to come over and thought up a couple of activities to keep them occupied. It wasn’t terrible, but it was minimal.
One of our guests was a neighbor boy named Brandon. Brandon’s birthday was only a few weeks after Bethany’s, and we were invited to his birthday party.
When we arrived, we saw that Brandon’s Mom had pulled out all the stops. The party theme was Power Rangers, a big deal that year with the kiddos. She had baked an enormous Power Rangers cake and had all of the matching paraphernalia—plates, cups, napkins, tablecloths, balloons, and party favors. She had invited a horde of people and put out a big spread of food.
Halfway through the party, three young men bounced into the backyard in full Power Rangers regalia! They were in tights, and wore superhero emblems on their chests and helmets, and carried light sabers. Kind of over the top, I thought to myself, a bit cynically.
When I got home, I shared with my husband that I felt dejected and embarrassed by the contrast between our two parties. I’ll never forget his response. The gist was, “Ruth, you are an accomplished woman who can do a bunch of things well. Do you have to be good at throwing birthday parties? Can’t you just let her have that one?”
This memory came up for me this week, and I think I know why.
I tend to be a Lone Ranger sometimes. I prefer to work alone because then I’m in charge of the timeline and solely responsible for the outcome. This has worked fairly well in some areas, like private practice and educational pursuits.
I dreaded the “group project” in school. I would finish my piece of work and then wait until the others contributed their piece. Then, if I felt theirs was not well done, I hated having my work mixed with theirs to be evaluated by the teacher. I guess I want my work to stand on its own merits.
Last year, I crossed over into a life devoted to writing and self-publishing my work. This was a brand new realm for me. I was quickly humbled to realize that I didn’t have all of the skills to complete my writing and publishing goals.
Some aspects of the process I had to learn by reading books and articles by writers who knew how it worked. I hired professional editors. I met with coaches who helped me clarify the structure and intent of the book. I selected a brilliant book designer who could very quickly develop beautiful cover art and formatting of the interior.
Then I had to consider what to do—and not do—when the book was ready to launch. Again, I found people who already had experienced this and let them teach and advise me.
Now I am revamping my website and finding ways to integrate my email and social media platforms so that they will be attractive, effective, consistent, and accessible. I’ve searched for and found someone qualified to walk me through this because I wouldn’t have a clue how to do it on my own.
You may ask why I’m sharing this on Scripture Comes to Life.
I’m sharing it because I’ve experienced the great joy of collaborating with people who are good at things that I’m not good at. This is a central, vital principle of living in harmony in the body of Christ. We all are gifted differently and serve in different ways, and God has established this on purpose.
The New Testament is replete with “one another” statements. Here are some of them:
- Love and serve one another (Jn 13:14, 34; 15:12, 17)
- Honor one another (Rom 12:10)
- Instruct one another (Rom 15:14)
- Care for one another (1 Cor 12:25)
- Comfort one another (2 Cor 13:11)
- Bear one another’s burdens (Eph 4:25)
- Forgive one another (Eph 4:32)
- Encourage one another (1 Thess. 4:18)
- Exhort one another (Heb. 3:13)
- Show hospitality to one another
- Submit to one another (Eph 5:21)
- Admonish one another (Col 3:16)
- Do good to one another (1 Thess. 5:15)
Being ambassadors for Christ and bringing glory to him in this complicated world requires a combination of skills, talents, motivations, and anointings. Instead of giving all of these to just a few people, he has distributed them throughout the body, so that each person has a role in the fulfillment of God’s purposes.
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. (1 Cor. 12:4-6).
Instead of comparing ourselves and our giftings to others, we could instead do our own part diligently and lovingly support others in doing their parts. Collaboration in the spirit beats the misery of comparison any day.
Instead of feeling less than my friend who knew how to throw a smashing birthday party, maybe I should have knocked on her door and asked her to help me with mine.
As I continue to pursue goals that are beyond my own reach, I will give thanks to the smart, capable, spirit-filled people who surround me and offer their gifts.
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Do you have a story from your own life about the misery of comparing yourself with others, or the joy of collaborating with others, or both? Please share!
