As I hiked through an old-growth juniper forest full of flitting warblers, alone with my thoughts and prayers, I began to ponder the construct that in recent years has been called the fear of missing out (FOMO).
It’s that discomfort in our gut when we see someone’s perfect social media profile loaded with fun photos of travel, adventure, romance, beauty, and fun, and we consider—hopefully only briefly—that our lives feel dull, lonely, or colorless by comparison. It’s an ugly feeling we are all prone to until we experience healing from old wounds.
Yes, fear of missing out is a real thing. I know it. I bet you’ve known it at some point, too.
At different developmental stages of life, FOMO gets triggered in different ways. When we’re young, we may feel left out of the popular group, the pretty girls, the athletic boys, the best parties, and the most exciting adventures.
When single in early adulthood, we might experience the feeling that we’re missing out on the marriage and family experience that many of our peers already have. I’ve witnessed many people, mostly women, become desperately unhappy with this one, understandably, given that women’s childbearing years are somewhat limited. They ask, What if it doesn’t happen for me on time? Could it be too late for me?
In the generativity years of middle adulthood, our longings and fears might run in two common directions.
If successful in career and family, we may start to remember longingly our old freedom and the things we enjoyed before we were laden with so much responsibility. When this happens, many people become vulnerable to affairs, addictions, or reckless, thrill-seeking experiences to make them feel young and free again.
Conversely, wherever we are on our career and family trajectory at mid-life, we look at others and can always find someone who seems happier, more fulfilled, and more successful. We ask, Am I measuring up? Am I keeping up? This makes us vulnerable to the sin of envy.
The good news is that if we value positive mental and spiritual health, these normal, awkward feelings pass with time. We move toward a stable mindset of gratitude for life as it is, not as we’d like it to be. We learn we don’t have to conform to an elaborate utopian fantasy we’ve created or fulfill a complex set of unreasonable expectations, internal or external.
As I trudged along the trail, I asked myself and the Lord, “Why are we talking about this? Am I in the grip of FOMO now? Is there something I’m missing? Am I afraid I’ll miss some important opportunity that will never be offered again? Do I feel left out of the party of the important, special people?
I think I’m past the immature, superficial social triggers that haunted me in my younger years, the ones I’ve described.
I’m often happiest when alone, so I’m not concerned about missing the party or event that requires my introvert self to turn itself on and function socially. I can choose yes or no and be OK either way. Thank God.
As an adult, I’ve been privileged to enjoy moderate professional success, worthwhile service to others, and creative output that has put my talents and energy to good use. I pray this continues until my final breath.
So, here is what the Lord showed me about this FOMO question. At the fine age of 64, it’s the sublime God moments I don’t want to miss, whether on the mountaintop of joy or in the valley of grief.
I don’t want to miss HIM, his presence, his voice, his call, or his spiritual promptings.
I want to suck all the life out of life and not miss any part of this being a Spirit-filled human—with eyes, ears, nose, skill, heart, mind, and creative drive all attuned to his love and purpose.
Providentially, the Spirit led me to spend time in Ephesians, which greatly helped my questioning, longing heart. Ephesians imparts important truths that can anchor our souls and immunize us against FOMO.
• As followers of Christ, we are set apart from the world, made different than we used to be when we walked in obedience to Satan and disobedience to God. We’re not supposed to fit in with the world and its ways. (2:2-4)
• Where we were dead, we are now spiritually alive and have received the gift of the Holy Spirit as the seal that we are God’s inheritance, and will receive even greater inheritance from him later (1:11). He will never withhold his good gifts from us.
• He has claimed us as his own, so we can’t be left out of his plan and purpose (2:18-19).
• Once without God and without hope, we now belong to Christ and are at home with his people (2:12-13).
• Once far away from him, now we can draw near (2:13, 15). He will not leave us lonely or disappointed if we stay close to him.
• Stone by stone, brick by brick, God is building a temple, with Jesus Christ as the cornerstone. We are his building material, so he won’t waste us. He will use us.
• If we believe in the saving power and lordship of Christ, we have free tickets to his banquet. We are promised very good seats in heavenly places (2:19-20). We won’t miss the best party ever.
As long as these things are true and we believe them with all our hearts, we needn’t worry about being left out or missing out on anything.
I am included. You are included. We are reconciled. We are one in Christ and with one another.
If you hear otherwise, you are probably listening to the wrong voice, the same voice Eve listened to in the garden.
